1、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。
Since the summer vacation， I have breakfast to quit。
2、不是兄弟不是人，实在是嫂子太迷人。
Not brothers， is sister-in-law too attractive。
3、我对作业不仁不义，作业对我不离不弃。
I am righteous man homework， homework for me。
4、我就是巴黎欧莱雅，你值得拥有！
I am the l 'oreal Paris， you're worth it！
5、瞧我这记性，又把你当人看了。
Look， I this memory， and when people look at you。
6、横溢的不只是才华，还有腰间的脂肪。
Talent is not only of， and the fat around his waist。
7、自从见到你妹，你这兄弟我交定了。
From see you younger sister， you this brother I make a deal。
8、发呆这事做得好是深沉，做不好就睡着了。
A daze it is a good thing to do is deep， do not fall asleep。
9、流量强奸了话费，生下了一个孽种叫停机。
Traffic raped， gave birth to a origin called downtime。
10、别人都说我很胖，其实我只是瘦的不明显。
People say I'm fat， in fact I just thin is not obvious。
11、穿低胸装还拿手挡着，太没公德心了。
Wear low-cut outfit also blocked with specialty， too not public-spiritedness。
12、暗恋是成功的哑剧，说出来就成了悲剧！
Unrequited love is successful pantomime， say it is a tragedy！
13、我也想好好学习啊，可是一回家电脑就勾引我。
I also want to study well， but a home computer can seduce me。
14、女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。
Innocence is the virtue for women。 I think I must be too wicked。
15、床，你放开我，不要这样子，我还要上学哇。
Bed， you let me go， don't like this， I have to go to school wow。
16、在这个考试月里，都不要直呼我的姓名，请叫我过儿。
In this test months， don't call my name， please call me lead son。
17、成绩你就是个贱人，总是挑拨我们和爸妈的关系。
Performance is a bitch， you always provoke our relationship with my parents。
18、为什么别人看到我就想吐啊，是不是因为我太帅了。
Why do others see I just want to vomit， is it because I'm too handsome。
19、总觉得自己的性格不适合上班，只适合拿工资。
Always feel that his character is not suitable for work， only suitable for wages。
20、麻麻说我叛逆期怎么整她，她更年期就怎么整我。
Mommy said I how rebellious period the whole her， her menopause I gonna get it。
21、最有魄力的是康师傅，每天都有成千上万的人泡他。
Is the most vigorous tingyi， tens of thousands of people every day he。
22、不是我不想当淑女，而是这世界把老娘逼成了泼妇！
Not I don't want to be a lady， but this world drove the old niang became a bitch！
23、看到你我连食欲都没了，还谈什么性欲？
See I appetite is gone， are you still talking about sexual desire？
24、睡眠是一门艺术，谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
Sleep is an art， no one can stop my pursuit of artistic footsteps！
25、你若安好，便是晴天，按这天气看来，你应该是挂了。
If you well， is sunny days， according to the weather， you should be hung up。
26、剪了短发不一定是女王，也有可能是女神经。
Is not necessarily the queen hair cut short， it is possible that the female nerve。
27、我希望在有生之年，赶上新闻联播的大结局。
Over the course of his life， I hope to catch up with the news broadcast finale。
28、人的桃花运，跟生理周期一样，都是一阵一阵的。
The romantic life， like physiological cycles， is a burst of。
29、解释就是掩饰，掩饰就是不老实，不老实就是欠收拾！
Explanation is conceal， conceal is dishonest， dishonesty is owe to pack！
30、就算再想哭，也要微笑着说一句：你大爷的！
Even if again want to cry， also want to said with a smile： you big ye of！
31、如果有一天，我嫁不出去，请把我埋在，非诚勿扰里。
If one day， I unmarriageable， please bury me in， if you are the one。
32、各位女同事，请不要对我放电，我老婆有来电显示。
Everyone colleague， please don't discharge to me， my wife has a caller id。
33、韩国整容，泰国人妖，其实都比不过中国的美图秀秀。
South Korean cosmetic， Thailand freak， in fact is better than the Chinese beauty picture show。
34、保护自己，爱护他人，请不要半夜出来吓人。
Protect yourself， take good care of others， please don't come out in the middle of the scary。
35、月老，能别再用劣质的红线帮我牵线了吗，尼玛，隔三差五就断。
Joking that can stop using inferior to the red line matchmaking to help me， nima， it regularly。
36、我曾经跟一个人无数次的擦肩而过，衣服都擦破了，也没擦出火花。
I've passed countless people， clothes are creased， didn't also sparks。
37、暑假作业我已经摊在阳台上了，台风你自己看着办吧。
Summer vacation homework I already stand on the balcony， the typhoon do it at your own will。
38、穿别人的鞋走别人的路，让别人既找不到鞋又找不到路。
Wear other's shoes walk others road， let others find shoes and can't find the way。
39、长得帅的踢键子都帅，长得丑的打高尔夫都像在铲屎。
Grow handsome kicking shuttlecocks are handsome and ugly play golf like shit in the shovel。
40、数学老师带我们在题海中遨游，结果她上岸了，我们全都淹死了。
Math teacher took us to roam in the crowd， as a result， she landed， we were all drowned。
41、每次跟别人吵完架，等躺在床上的时候，才知道当时应该怎么骂。
Every time after the quarrel with others， when lying in bed， just know how to scold at that time。
42、早上起床我以为我一夜之间长高了，结果才发现是我被子盖横了。
In the morning I thought I grown overnight， the results found that is my quilt cover cross。
43、如果多吃鱼可以补脑让人变聪明的话，那么我至少得吃一对儿鲸鱼。
If eat fish can let a person become wise for brain， so I have to eat at least one pair of whales。
44、小时候，我最喜欢玩捉迷藏，等别人藏好了，我就回家吃饭。
When I was young， I most like to play hide and seek， wait for others to hide， I will go home for dinner。
45、老天爷，你能把这几天要下的雨存储起来吗，等到军训时再还我！
God， can you put this several days to be stored under the rain， by the time the military training will be me！
46、世界上最痛苦的事就是从上课憋尿憋到下课，结果老师还拖堂。
The most painful thing in the world is from suppress piss in class to class， the result teacher also finish。
47、别老看AV，你也不看看键盘上，字母A和V后面分别是什么。
Don't look at the AV， you don't look at the keyboard， what is behind the letters A and V， respectively。