1、不要忽略妈，妈当年一朵花！
Don't ignore mom, mom was a flower!
2、课堂上的稀客，饭堂里的常客。
The classroom well regulars in the cafeteria.
3、绑不住我的心就不好说我花心！
Can't hold my heart can't say I heart!
4、从天堂到地狱，哥只是路过人间。
From heaven to hell, I'm just passing by.
5、思想品德不及格，总比没思想好。
Thought and moral is not passed, better than not good.
6、路见不平一声吼，吼完一声继续走。
At the sight of injustice with a roar, roar end sound to go.
7、哥们最大的愿望是：美女不穿衣裳！
Man's biggest wish is: beauty does not wear clothes!
8、我的精神分裂好了，我和我都很好。
My mind is split, and I'm fine with me.
9、我好像对纸过敏，每次做作业都难受。
I feel like I'm allergic to paper, and I feel bad every time I do my homework.
10、别撕开嘴的笑，在撕你都不会有酒窝。
Don't tear the mouth smile, you will not have dimples in the tear.
11、我不是骨头，不能让每条狗都追着跑。
I'm not a bone, I can't make every dog running after me.
12、喝加多宝不上火，看加多宝广告上火！
Jiaduobao drink does not get angry, see jiaduobao lit advertising!
13、如果不能美得惊人，那就丑得勾魂吧。
If not beautiful, the ugly soul.
14、每个抖腿的人，心里都有一台缝纫机。
Each shaking legs, there is a sewing machine in the heart.
15、那人长得吧，怎么说呢。像素比较低！
That person is long, how to say. Pixel is relatively low!
16、如果有钱也是一种错，我情愿一错再错。
If the money is a mistake, I would rather make mistake again.
17、大起大悲看清自己，大起大落看清朋友。
Great mercy to see yourself, see friends change radically.
18、鸭子本来不会飞，但是煮熟了就会飞了。
The duck would not fly, but it would fly.
19、谁若对我使用美人计，我就会将计就计。
If I use the badger who will, I will.
20、如果你忘了苏醒，那我宁愿先闭上眼睛。
If you forget to wake up, then I would rather close my eyes.
21、时间终究要比爱强悍，忘记什么都不难。
Time after all to be more powerful than love, forget what is not difficult.
22、按猪的审美观，我基本算得上是个帅哥。
According to the pig's aesthetic view, I am basically a handsome guy.
23、美人对眼睛来说是天堂，对腰包来说是地狱！
Beauty is heaven to the eyes, it is hell for the purse!
24、下辈子我还找你，因为除了我，你是最傻的。
Next life I also look for you, because in addition to me, you are the most stupid.
25、不要以为头上顶坨屎，自己就是金刚葫芦娃。
Don't think head top shit, he is King Kong gourd.
26、上学最开心的一句话就是：今天班主任不在。
To go to school the most happy sentence is: today the teacher in charge is not in.
27、大叔，笑的时候记得捂嘴巴哦，小心您的假牙。
Uncle, laugh when I remember Wu mouth Oh, be careful of your teeth.
28、牛粪终归是牛粪，上锅蒸了也不会变成香饽饽。
It is cow dung, steam will not become xiangbobo.
29、同是自来水，但就是感觉厨房的比厕所的干净。
The same is running water, but it is the feeling of the kitchen than the toilet clean.
30、大街上那么多人穿的那么危险，却长得那么安全！
The streets so many people wear so dangerous, but so safe!
31、人生最幸福事，就是早上听老婆说把你爪子拿开！
The happiest thing in life is to hear your wife in the morning and say, "take your paw."!
32、老天，你让夏天和冬天同房了吧？生出这鬼天气！
God, you let the summer and winter building? Give birth to this ghost weather!
33、爱情就像一部影片，影片结束时，所以人都会散去。
Love is like a movie. When it's over, people will go away.
34、成熟的最大好处是：以前得不到的，现在不想要了。
The greatest benefit is: the past can not get, now do not want to.
35、长成那样，就不要撒娇了吧，容易让人起妊娠反应。
Grow like that, don't act like a spoiled child, easy to have the pregnancy reaction.
36、因为喜欢你，借着你的光，瞧见了从未预见的世界。
Because love you, by your light, see the world had not foreseen.
37、下雨天不是在想你，是在想刚洗的衣裳什么时分干。
Rainy days are not thinking about you, is to just wash clothes when dry.
38、不要说我胖，不然我会认为你在嫉妒我比你吃得好。
Don't say I'm fat, or I'll think you're jealous I'm better than you.
39、成绩，你就是个贱人，总挑拨我和爸妈之间的关系。
You are a success, Bitch, always provoke the relationship between me and my parents.
40、老天，你让夏天和冬天同房了吧？生出这种鬼天气！
God, you let the summer and winter building? Give birth to this kind of weather!
41、当别人开始说你是疯子的时候，你离成功就不远了。
When people start to say you are crazy, you are not far away from success.
42、记得小时候说得最多的一句话就是，我不跟你玩了。
Remember when I was a little more than a word, I do not play with you.
43、没有一点点防备，也没有一丝顾虑，国庆就这样完了·
Not a little bit of preparedness, there is no trace of concern, the National Day is over.
44、小时候吃西瓜，就吃尖尖，吃到有籽的地方就不吃了。
When to eat watermelon, eat eat seeds sharp, where do not eat.
45、少女诚可贵，少妇价更高，若有富婆在，二者皆可抛。
The girl is precious, our price is higher, if there is rich in two can throw.
46、曾经希望把所有都留给你，何曾想却把孤单留给了自己。
Wanted to leave all for you, I once thought but lonely for myself.
47、今天在街上看到一女的好美，走近一看，原来是面镜子。
Today in the street to see a beautiful woman, a closer look, the original is a mirror.
48、有钱的人怕别人知道他有钱，没钱的人怕别人知道他没钱。
The rich are afraid of other people know that he has money, no money of people afraid of others know that he did not have money.
49、现在的我，你爱理不理。记住了。以后的我，你高攀不起。
Now I, you indifferent. Remember. After me, you can not afford.
50、别老看AV，你也不看看键盘上，字母A和V后面分别是什么！
Don't look at the AV, you don't look at the keyboard, what are the letters A and V!
51、世界上最痛苦的事就是，从上课憋尿憋到下课老师还拖堂。
The most painful thing in the world is from class to class teacher Tuotang hold hold.
52、自从初一那次捡起掉在地下的笔后，数学我就再也没听懂过。
Since the first day that time to pick up the pen in the ground, mathematics, I have never understood.
53、男老板总是希望身旁有个女秘书，有事秘书干，没事干秘书。
Male boss always want to have a female secretary next to the side, something the Secretary to do, nothing to do secretary.
54、原以为自己挺恶的，认识了他才知道比我还善的人几乎不存在。
The thought that he was very evil, and know him better than I know that there is almost No.
55、我不喜欢只和一个女人上很多次床，而是喜欢和很多女人只上一次床。
I don't like a lot of times with a woman, but like a bed with a lot of women.
56、如果坦白是一种伤害，我选择谎言。如果谎言也是伤害，我选择沉默。
If the confession is a kind of injury, I choose to lie. If the lie is hurt, I choose to remain silent.
57、钱在我的手里一无是处，就像垃圾，但我却用它买到了最卑微的爱情。
Money is like garbage in my hand, Nothing is right., but I use it to buy the most humble love.
58、明明可以靠脸吃饭，而我却要努力工作，这就是我和明明之间的差距。
Obviously can rely on the face to eat, and I have to work hard, this is the gap between me and obviously.
59、我想将对你的思念，寄予散落的星辰；但愿星光照进你的窗前，伴你好眠。
I want to miss you, send the scattered stars; I hope the stars into your window, with your sleep.
60、感谢所有陪我走到现在的人，尤其感谢打算仍然硬着头皮陪我走下去的人。
Thank you for all the people who came with me, especially for those who intend to stay with me.
61、学霸晒成绩，女神晒自拍，土豪晒有钱，模特晒身材，老子放假回家晒太阳！
Curve Wrecker Sun Goddess of achievement, self drying, nouveau riche in the rich, the model in figure, Lao Tzu holiday home in the sun!
62、都说女孩子生气时把她按住强吻就行了，可是，我为什么会被她男朋友打呢。
Said the girl angry when kissing her hold on the line, but, why would I be her boyfriend call.
63、我只要你陪着我只对我笑，我只要你吻我一个，只逗我一人，我就是不放弃。
I just want you to accompany me to smile, I want you to kiss me, just make me a person, I just don't give up.
64、路上捡到了一百块钱，很开心的请室友吃了全家桶，最后发现钱是自己掉的。
On the way to pick up one hundred money, very happy to ask a roommate to eat the whole family, and finally found that the money is lost.
65、我这么穷，为什么还会发胖呢，不知道这肉咋长的，这个问题困扰了我好多年。
I am so poor, why would I get fat, do not know how long this meat, this problem has troubled me for many years.
66、等你以后结婚了，结婚对象不是我，我就搬到你家隔壁住，做一个安静的老王。
So after you get married, marriage is not me, I will move to your home next door, a quiet wang.
67、愚人节表白算什么，清明节表白才是王道，因为，如果失败了，你就说鬼附身了！
What kind of fool's Day confession, Tomb-sweeping Day confession is the kingly way, because if you fail, you say the ghost!
68、小姐命不苦，衣破不用补；光棍命好苦，衣破无人补；老公命更苦，衣破妻不补。
Miss life is not bitter, broken clothes do not make the good life; bachelor bitter, broken clothes no cover husband; life is more bitter, broken clothes do not make the wife.
69、有一次蹲在地上玩东西，我男神从后面拍了我一下，然后受到惊吓放了个巨响的屁。
One time I was playing on the ground, and I took a shot from behind, and then I was scared to put a loud fart.
70、如果有一天，我无法继续呼吸，那只是说明，我的世界缺少了空气，或者，缺少了你。
If one day, I can not continue to breathe, it is just that my world is missing the air, or, the lack of you.
71、不管是在婚礼的喜帖上还是在葬礼的墓碑上，我希望我跟你的名字一辈子总能写在一起。
Whether in the wedding invitations, or on the tombstone, I hope I tell you the name of a lifetime can always write together.
72、学霸晒成绩，女神晒自拍，土豪晒有钱，模特晒身材，老子就想晒个太阳还尼玛天天下雨。
PA drying results, the goddess of self drying, tyrant in the rich, the model in figure, Lao Tze to sun sun still NIMA it rained every day.
73、其实世界上最不忠心的就是钱，说好的一起出门，然后它就不跟我回来，枉我掏心掏肺对它！
In fact in the world the most faithful is money and agreed to go out together, then it will not come back with me, in vain I Taoxin Tao lung to it!
74、以前小学老师开课怕出冷场就对我们说：到时候我一提问你们全举手会的举右手不会举左手…
Before the commencement of the elementary school teachers if silence is to us said: when the time comes I question your hands will raise right hand will not raise your left hand.
75、总是这么没出息，天天往你空间跑，然后还矫情的删掉访问记录，我都想抽自己一大耳巴子。
Always so unpromising. Every day to your space to run, and then also hypocritical delete access to records, I want to pumping yourself Daerba sub.
76、别对我说天冷了，照顾好自己，穿多点衣服之类的话，要么就照顾我，要么就拿钱给我买衣服。
Don't to me said it was cold, and take good care of yourself, like wearing more clothes, or take care of me, or give me money to buy clothes.
77、希望睡前可以轻吻你，希望睡时可以抱着你，希望醒来可以看见你！一直都这样希望，直到永远。
Hope bedtime can kiss you, want to sleep can hold you, hope can see you wake up! Always hope, until forever.
78、一个和尚挑水喝，两个和尚抬水喝，三个和尚没水喝，四个和尚斗地主，五个和尚可以去扮福娃了。
A monk fetching water and drink, two monks carry water to drink, three monks have no water to drink, four monks landlords, the five monks can go to dress up as Fuwa.
79、合适的鞋，只有脚知道，合适的人，只有心知道，走千条路，只一条适合，遇万般人，得一人足够。
Appropriate shoes, only the feet know, right people, only the heart know that thousands of road, only a suitable, in case of all, and one person enough.
80、呀！我不小心把“我爱你”误发给你了。如果你接受那就储存起来，如果你不接受，就把这三个字返发给我。
Ah! I don't care to "I love you" mistakenly sent to you. If you accept it, save it. If you don't accept it, send it back to me. Three.