1、空口无凭，吃饭为据。
According to a verbal statement without any proof, eat.
2、打死你，我也不会说。
Kill you, I won't say.
3、揍你个性生活不能自理！
Beat your personal life can not take care of themselves!
4、我是耶稣他儿子，椰子！
I am Jesus, his son, coconut!
5、初恋无限好，只是挂得早。
First love infinite good, just hang up early.
6、一时的冲动，子孙的危机！
A momentary impulse, a descendant of the crisis!
7、我最大的缺点，就是缺点钱。
My greatest weakness is that I'm a fault.
8、这个人很懒，什么都没留下。
The man is so lazy that nothing is left.
9、我和你不一样，因为我是人。
I am not the same as you, because I am a person.
10、醒是一回事，起床又是一回事。
Waking is one thing, getting up is another.
11、电脑玩多了，看电视都想快进。
The computer to play more, watching TV all want to fast forward.
12、顾客不是上帝，顾客只是上当。
The customer is not God, the customer is only.
13、贱女就是矫情，贱男就是多情。
Female base is hypocritical, shizuo is full of affection.
14、坏人需要实力，败类更需要品位。
Bad guys need strength, scum need grade.
15、找不到我喜欢的伞，我宁愿淋湿。
I can't find my love umbrella, I would rather get wet.
16、人要脸，树要皮，电线杆子要水泥。
Human face, tree bark, wire pole to cement.
17、我的精神分裂好了，我和我都很好。
My spirit is good, I'm fine with me.
18、男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱。
When men have money, they go bad.
19、起那么早干嘛？夜总会还没开门呢！
What are you doing up so early? The nightclub is not open yet!
20、老娘变天鹅的时候，你还是个蛋呢。
When I become a swan, or your eggs.
21、把你的铁石心肠含在我的樱桃小口中。
Put you in my heart of stone containing cherry small mouth.
22、生活就是我妈生出来，我必须活下去。
Life is my mother's life, I must live.
23、我不是随便的人，我随便起来不是人。
I'm not a casual person, I'm not a man.
24、没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我。
No things don't look for me, something more don't need to find me.
25、我那么钟爱你，你钟爱我一下会死啊。
I so love you, you love me will die.
26、春不是叫出来的，是真刀真枪干出来的！
Spring is not called out, the real thing is done!
27、我跟伍佰不熟，他弟弟二百五跟我很熟。
I'm not familiar with Wu Bai, his brother was familiar with me two hundred and fifty.
28、最是夜深人静时，思念才变得如此放肆。
Is the night, thoughts have become so presumptuous.
29、我要努力攒钱，争取买一个自动取款机。
I want to save money, to buy an automatic teller machine.
30、我又不是人民币，怎样能让人人都钟爱我？
I am not the RMB, how can let everyone love me?
31、人生得意须尽欢，过了山海关都是赵本山。
Life is proud to be happy, over Shanhaiguan is Zhao Benshan.
32、你那副正经的样子，貌似真的听懂人话呐！
You're a real person, you really understand!
33、一个人最大的悲哀，就是不愿意做他自己。
One of the greatest sorrow, is not willing to do his own.
34、如果你曾歌颂黎明，那么也请你拥抱刘德华。
If you ever sing the dawn, then also ask you to embrace Andy Lau.
35、孤单是一个人的狂欢，狂欢是一群人的孤单！
Lonely is a person's Carnival, carnival is a group of people alone!
36、你出生后是不是被扔上去次，但只被接住次？
Were you born to be thrown into a second, but only caught?
37、缴手机费时，才知道，原来我的话这么值钱。
Pay phone to take time, just know, my words so valuable.
38、信你一成，双目失明；信你两成，无期徒刑。
Believe that you are a blind eye.
39、人生只有走出来的美丽，没有等出来的辉煌！
Life only come out of the beautiful, not so brilliant!
40、上学最开心的一句话就是：今天班主任不在。
The most happy to go to school is: today the class teacher is not in.
41、上帝说：出门不要忘记带伞，一会儿我要浇花。
God said: do not forget the umbrella out, while I have to water the flowers.
42、人世间最蛋疼的事儿，正在做美梦呢被尿憋醒。
The world's most egg pain thing, is to do the dream is to wake up.
43、毁灭友情的方式有许多，最彻底的一种是借钱。
There are many ways to destroy the friendship, the most complete one is to borrow money.
44、青春就想为卫生纸，看着挺多，用着，还嫌少。
As a youth is like toilet paper, looking very much, with too few.
45、那天刚睡着，收到一个短信：睡姿不对，重睡。
The day just fell asleep, received a message: the sleeping position, heavy sleep.
46、人生就是一个大市场，人在里面都是买这卖那。
Life is a big market, people in which are sold to buy it.
47、孔子说，三人行，必有我妻。择其靓者而娶之。
Kong Zi said, the three men will be my wife. Choose their beautiful and marry the.
48、时间对了，地址对了，情感对了，却缔造人物不对！
Time is right, the address is right, and the feeling is right!
49、我们每个人都是梦想家，当梦走了，就只剩想家了。
Everyone is a dreamer, when the dream is gone, only to home.
50、昨天去市里参加放鸽子比赛，结果就我一个人去了。
Yesterday I went to the city to attend the pigeon competition, the result is a man went to the.
51、视金钱如粪土，但所有的人都在争着做粪土收藏家。
Money like dirt, but all the people are scrambling to do dirt collector.
52、人家减肥减腰减**，为什么你非要从脑细胞开始。
People lose weight minus waist, why you need to start from brain cells.
53、请你不要说持子之手与子偕老因为我还要黑发飘飘。
Please don't hold hands with you because I have black hair fluttering.
54、大部分人一辈子只做三件事：自欺、欺人、被人欺。
Most people only do three things: a lifetime of self deception, deceptive, be bullied.
55、哥，哥，哥，考试信春哥，不用做功课，保我不挂科。
Brother, brother, brother, exam nobuharu brother, never do homework, I do not fail the exam.
56、你什么时候请我吃饭，一会我就出去给你买袋干脆面。
When you ask me to have dinner, then I'll go out and buy you a bag.
57、平时骂你就算了，非要等我打你，才知道我文武双全。
I scold you even, than I hit you, just know me but.
58、在美人面前：有危险要救，没有危险制造危险也要救。
In the face of beauty: there is a danger to save, there is no danger to create a dangerous.
59、不要说你不认识我，刚好我也不认识你，真是缘分啊！
Do not say that you do not know me, just I do not know you, really love ah!
60、闭上眼，幻想着与你一起慢慢变老的画面。黯然泪下。
Close your eyes and imagine that you're slowly getting old together with you. Cry.
61、打雷的时候，站在大树底下，对老天爷说，我也要穿越！
When it thunders, standing under a tree, for God said, I also want to cross!
62、太压抑不好凡事适可而止不太过份你可以当什么事都没有。
Bad things too depressed without too much when you can not overdo sth. what did not.
63、我知道，天下无不散宴席，可是，至少，宴席上我要吃得爽！
I know that the world is a good feast, but, at least, I want to eat a good!
64、跟你很熟吗？没事弹个视频，当是你家电视啊，一按就出人。
Do you know well? It's OK to play a video, when it's your home TV, one by one.
65、每个人出生时都是原创的，但可悲的是，很多人渐渐活成了盗版
Every person was born with the original, but sadly, many people gradually became piracy
66、十年知己却不知你心里想的是什么那爱情让我们都猜不透了吧！
Ten years, but I do not know your heart is what the love let us can not guess it!
67、在埃及，一个男人可以娶四个老婆，那得多累啊，还是中国好。
In Egypt, a man can marry four wives, and that much more tired, or china.
68、你大脑抽筋，小脑打结，中枢神经变态，我劝你还是**算了。
Your brain cramps, cerebellar knot, central nervous, I advise you or suicide.
69、老师讲完课后道：还有哪不懂？我伸个懒腰道：老师这节什么课啊。
The teacher finished the lesson: do not understand? I stretch: the teacher what class ah.
70、我正被川大强奸着，现在我唯一能做的就是最大限度地把姿势摆对！
I was Sichuan rape, the only thing I can do now is to maximize the pose of!
71、股市是有经验的人获得很多金钱，有金钱的人获得很多经验的地方。
The stock market is a lot of experience of people get a lot of money, people get a lot of money to get a lot of experience.
72、暗恋是一种礼貌，自恋是一种骄傲，明恋是一种格调不恋是种味道。
Love is a kind of courtesy, narcissism is a kind of pride, love is a kind of style is not love is a kind of taste.
73、宅男宅女标准：在床上以电脑为圆心，以胳膊长为半径拿取物品活动。
Indoorsman Indoorswoman standard: in bed with computer as the center, with long arms as the radius of taking goods activities.
74、夏日来临祝你：百事可乐美年达，非常可乐冰红茶，可口可乐娃哈哈。
I wish you a summer season: Pepsi Cola, Mirinda, Cola Ice Black Tea Wahaha, Coca-Cola.
75、我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了。
My friends around me, you quickly became famous, so my memoirs can be sold.
76、走到考场全崩溃，见到卷子全流泪。背的东西全不考，考的东西全不会。
Go to the examination room full collapse, see paper full of tears. Back to the things of the exam, the exam will not.
77、最卑贱不过感情，最凉薄不过人心。谢谢你的笑容，让我看不清你的心。
But the most humble feelings, the most cool thin but the people. Thank you for your smile, let me see your heart.
78、卖花的小姑娘拉着我，说道：大哥哥，买花吧，一看就知道你是花心的人。
The little girl took me, said: big brother, flowers, see that you are the person.
79、问一个淡淡的问题：鸟儿为什么爱在电线上排排坐？最佳解释是在线才能聊天。
Ask a question: why do birds faint love sit in on line? The best explanation is online to chat.
80、把头扎高，把零食丢掉，把手机放下，把眼泪擦干，别折腾自己，姑娘你还有未来。
The snack bar head, throw away the mobile phone down, dry your eyes, don't torture yourself, girl you have a future.